[20 February, 2008]

What's with all the guilt

Even through my layers and layers of reason, confidence, and self-talk, I continuously feel guilty for:

- Television, pop culture consumption, complacency!, intellectual lethargy!!, BRAIN DETERIORATION DUE TO AMERICAN MEDIA. Yes, reading is great, and I do it, but it's not my fault I was abandoned as a child and now a turned-on TV makes me feel less lonely!

- Food, pasta, toast, toast with butter?!! and OMG that cupcake, endless comments from my mom about how I look in the pictures, in the clothes, what I eat, what I do, how much, why and why not?? I'm sorry I got your genes for these thighs and unlike you, I will not spend every second dieting. I want to respect how I was made and be proud for my beauty. Oh, and that skin toning solution you gave me for Christmas? Looks like you'll just have to endure the skin I was born with.

- Driving to work, not biking to work, not walking to work, not living closer to work, this awful unstable pseudo-winter weather, polar bears melting, baby seals DYING, THE WORLD ENDING!

- Suit, or rather a lack of suit, that is apparently the number one essential factor for grad school interviews and admission.

- Spending the bucks on a lunch burrito, spending the bucks on winter boots, drooling over that designer purse, ogling over that designer jewelry!, giving in to the vanity of our materialistic society!!, and the children in Africa and Siberian orphanages, they are DYING WITHOUT WATER!

And this is only the beginning of the kind of crazy that goes on inside my head. Analyze that!

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