all the way down

In the middle of another gruesome year, I am also dealing with childhood emotional abuse. It seems awkward, harsh and guilt-inducing to even say this out loud, but it is what it is, and when feelings are involved, it's always best to be honest. This whole thing of sorting things out is somewhat incongruous with the essence of Russian daughterhood, where the bottom line is to understand and accept whatever parents could offer at the time and be thankful. And surely, I do understand, but it's the latter two states that I have yet to master. I'm getting there.

I am not going to go into details of my journey here right now, but all I can say is that if I could represent my mental state musically, it would be a desperate attempt to jump from here to there.