[06 March, 2009]

quarter life not-totally crisis

The other week, I had a dream that involved a mama whale swimming peacefully with her calf through beautiful calm waters. It was one of those heart-changing dreams, when you wake up with something inside slightly different. It was such a serene and natural picture, like all was right with the world, like this is how things were supposed to be. A strong yet gentle mother with her clumsy trusting calf, going about their way just as Nature has designed.

This is such a change from my usual state of complete terror and various ethical dilemmas toward the topic of parenthood, and specifically motherhood. Intellectually, of course, I understand perfectly that this is the way in which the world exists. There have to be children for life on Earth to continue. Right?

Except there's also the whole... alien cells multiplying inside your organs, an unfairly one-sided ripping of body parts, and then? Then, you are actually solely responsible for the fate (which involves both the health and the integrity of character) of a human being, who will (hopefully) exist and continue to influence the world much longer than yourself.

That, to me, is a holy-fucking-shit type of a situation.

It was also interesting for me to witness the following conversation. Somehow I would never have thought that there are people who believe that parenting is easier than marriage (or significant relationship). Although I have never been a parent, I can only say that marriage has so far been a compromising partnership with my best friend. Whereas otherwise, I am out there working with people through their daddy (and mommy) issues on a daily basis.

This dream, however, helped me shift my mindset (ever-so-slightly) toward seeing this generational progression as natural, and peaceful even. I am slowly letting go of my fears, and I guess this is a sign that I am growing up.

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