[13 October, 2009]

cats not kids

Tonight, during my short break from working on a long and drawn out assignment, I linked to a website through Frank Warren, and BAM. There it was, staring me in the face. Reminding me that it is all far from over.

This is all so heartbreaking, and clearly, I need to go back to therapy to deal with my parents' divorce over 15 years ago. Actually, it will be close to 20 years soon, but here I am, in tears over these kids' stories. There is no good situation or outcome, I know, but children, the innocent and loving children, they always get the short end of the stick. And this simply isn't fair.

The cards about missing dads struck not just a chord, but a full-fledged double-bass organ sonata in D-minor. In light of my recent attempts to rekindle the relationship with my own dad, it becomes clearer and clearer: I don't give a fuck if he sometimes is a bad person, we all are, but I didn't know him, didn't feel him in some of my most formative and troubling of years, and it's about time that changed. And goddammit, if given the chance, I would move to England in a heartbeat. A heartbeat.


Not that fathers are saintly figures, by any means. It takes two to tango, so to speak, but where does this leave the tango-less child? So, I urge you, if you are considering having children, please think seriously if there is any possibility at all in your mind that you may not be with your partner for (at least) the first 18 years of (each) child's life. If so, then please, ADOPT AN ANIMAL INSTEAD! Because this is the bottom line: by going through with it, you will hurt the other person, yes, but chances are, you will hurt the child even more. And hurt children grow into hurt adults who go through their hurt lives being hurt by you and at you. And no one really wants that kind of guilt on their conscience, do they? Think of it as your very own contribution to world peace.

4 sighs or salutations:

ряж(л)енка | 15 October, 2009


Hesham | 18 October, 2009

I am just about to move out of my house after divorcing my wife; your words here are meant for me/us. I hope we will be better people in the way we treat each other and our children. I am sorry I didn't hear your advice 12 years ago.

Best luck to you.

daria | 20 October, 2009

I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. But I guess it's important to remember that not all situations yield horrible results, so I wish you to be one of those exceptions where parents really figure out a way to meet the needs to their children and each other. The best advice I could give you is to really take the time to help your children in this transition while being both kind (and not displacing your emotional baggage on them) and honest (do not try to shelter them). It _is_ such a reality-shattering experience, that it's important to work with them to provide them with the necessary coping skills. In any case, good luck and I wish all the best for your family.

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