[30 December, 2009]

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

I have all these various dreams (and not just way-off-in-dreamland dreams, but dreams that could potentially somehow be accomplished) about my theoretical life and future, and they makes me feel rather anxious. The problem is that some of these dreams slightly (though not completely) contradict each other, or at least require me to maybe choose a certain track in life, like, now. Also, when I sit down with these dreams in my head and really think about them, I realize that maybe I am already on a certain track in life that renders some of these dreams unaccomplishable (though this could be changed). But still, that makes me really sad. Because there's only one life I get to experience and remember, and you know, I want to accomplish the things I want to accomplish, dammit. I am really kind of jealous of people who either don't have very many dreams and therefore are satisfied with life taking its course as it does, or people whose life takes the course of their dreams, or people who are just settled and happy wherever they are (which I guess may or may not be a combination of the first two).

As far as I can tell, so far, I have 3 really strong dreams. They may seem silly or over-the-top or just Wow, but, they're my dreams after all:

One. I would like to spend a few years at least living back in Russia. During this time I would help my grandparents take care of their apartment, generally keep them company, rekindle my Russian relationships and brush up on my Russian and cultural/social knowledge, and generally breathe in the Russian spirit. I would also learn about the status of psychology in Russia and work in an orphanage. That last one is really important; I've been thinking about it for a while. I would like to work in a Russian orphanage and I would also like to adopt a Russian child (more on that later). BAM, there I said it.

Two. I would also like to spend some time living in NYC. I want to acquaint myself with the city, and even with the immigrant Russian community there. I would like to do nonprofit work to help the city and I'm also interested in the fact that the UN is located there. The Russian orphanage and UN work might tie in together somehow. Also as large and scary as NYC seems to many Americans, its metropolitan internationalness might make for an easier acculturation transition for a Russian city kid. So yeah, there's that.

And last but not least, three. Eventually, probably much after all this bouncing around, I would like to live in a place that would allow me to have a sustainable source of food. That's maybe a confusing way of saying I would basically like to own a dairy cow (or a goat, which might be more plausible) for my milk, a sheep for my wool, a few chickens for my eggs, and a small vegetable/herb garden. Oh yeah, also throw in a few fruit trees and a horse for relaxing rides along the countryside. Yup!

Oh yeah, and somewhere in there, I will surely rescue an ex-racing greyhound.

So these are some of my favorite dreams. Now watch me accomplish them!

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