[01 February, 2015]

leaping into the unknown: tri 1

The first month of pregnancy for me involved mostly waiting, wondering, not knowing, and desperately listening to my body for signs. Generally speaking, there are at least about 2 weeks between the time the body is most fertile (and ovulating) and when you'd expect the period to come. And most home pregnancy tests say to wait about another week for the period to be late before taking one. So those first 3-4 weeks I spent trying to decipher: are my nipples sore or is it just a pre-menstrual symptom, is my uterus cramping because it's expanding or because it is shedding its lining, am I bloated because I just went out with co-workers for crap lunch food or are my hormone levels elevating? A whole month of this is a strange time to wait, silently of course, before finally taking the test to confirm.

I bought the test at a local pharmacy and peed on it the morning of August 17, 2014. It was a hectic time: we were one week away from moving to another continent, I was trying to finish my job but was coerced asked to stay until the end of August due to an impending trip to the UN (I ended up moving to said continent a month later than expected). There was a lot of packing and moving and people coming and going, helping with boxes, saying good-bye. I could barely find the privacy to discreetly hide away in the bathroom long enough to pee on the stick. Then I got a fat yes-you're-pregnant line. Then I freaked out for a moment, and went back to my hectic schedule and life.

I told J in the car in the middle of a parking lot later that day when our paths of hecticness briefly intersected. Actually I just showed him the test, which I stuck in my purse lest someone find it at the house. I think he was happy (he says he was) and then we went back to our hectic schedules and lives. Actually we did discuss our feelings about the fact that our lives were changing right then and there.

That's one undeniable vertical line.

Most of the first trimester (the first two months, at least) I spent traveling, moving, and crashing on people's couches. Luckily, there was barely any nausea, only relentless fatigue. That was my big symptom; I really would crash on said couches, taking naps, unable to get up very fast. My brain really did feel a bit mushy, like I could just fall asleep in the middle of a conversation. Also, apparently my breasts got noticeably bigger, which some people remarked. I could still fit into my bras though, even if they were a bit tighter now, so I kept on.

In that second month, my itty-bitty fetus and I visited NYC to give a presentation at the UN, stayed in Boston with friends, returned to LA and crashed with some more friends, had our first ultrasound after my medical insurance ended (I was put on a temporary new-mothers assistance program), drove to SF and crashed with brother-in-law while also visiting friends, in-laws, and my academic advisor, all the while awkwardly saying "no" to copious amounts of California wine.

I was happy that I wasn't very nauseous; that was a blessing. I was still feeling cramping in my uterus as it expanded and soreness in my breasts. I was tired, always very tired, but did not have much of an appetite or cravings.

The first day of my last period was July 14--Bastille Day--which calculated my due date as 4/20. We joked about naming the baby Mary-Jane, if it's a girl, or Herb, if a boy.

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