prep and expectations

Not that you can really truly prepare for what labor will be like the first time, but I am really trying not to freak myself out here. It's just that I grew up in such a culture--both family-wise and overall--where labor has been portrayed as a very horrible, painful, worst-thing-you-can-go-through event. Both my grandmothers and my mother did not have a fun time with labor and so I did not grow up surrounded by inspirational stories of the amazing miracle of life. Their experience could be due to the time during the Soviet Union when medicine was not comfortable or customer-service oriented and there was little information or preparation for what women go through. Maybe this topic wasn't even discussed much; it was just something women resigned to silently suffer through in order to bring children into the world. So I am scared that if genetics play a part in this, I am indeed screwed into a horrible frenzy of an experience. But I am also trying to gather some level of preparation, mastery, and confidence in the fact that my body and I will get through it.

I know things rarely go according to plan or expectations, but I am trying hard to cling to the idea that I can prepare myself and at least ease some of the shock. I am going to prenatal yoga to theoretically stretch and strengthen my crotch muscles. I am trying to do oil massages in the crotch area to help stretch and lubricate the skin there. I am practicing breathing exercises, especially during times I feel especially panicky. I am going through classes and learning about stages of labor and visualizing possible scenarios. AND YET. You just never know, and that is the scary thing.

About a month to go.