[16 October, 2008]

Mostly for shits. I mean, scheitz.

You know how you've seen most of these on various shirts and mugs. Well, I decided to search for as many as I could find, and compile a comprehensive list. Because I find our classifications and understanding of the world amusing. Here is what I came up with:

Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass if half empty.
Realist: Yup, that's a glass, alright.
Idealist: One day, cold-fusion from a glass of water will provide unlimited energy and end war.
Capitalist: If I bottled this and gave it a New Agey sounding name, I could make a fortune.
Conspiracist: The government is fluoridating the water for mind-control purposes.
Sexist: The glass isn't gonna refill itself, honeybun.
Engineer: The glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Cynic: It doesn't matter, as the glass is going to break, anyway.
Nihilist: The glass does not exist, and neither do I.
Alcoholic: I'm sure I emptied the glass.
Kleptomaniac: I stole the glass.
The government: The glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.
The opposition: It is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.
The philosopher: If the glass was in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?
The economist: In real terms, the glass is 25% fuller than at the same time last year.
The banker: The glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.
The psychoanalyst: What did your mother say about the glass?
The physicist: The volume of this cylinder is divided into two equal parts; one a colorless, odorless liquid, the other a colorless, odorless gas. Thus the cylinder is neither full nor empty. Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a liquid.

Any others you know about?

1 sighs or salutations:

Anonymous | 04 June, 2009

Opportunist: "There's a funny t-shirt in here somewhere." (From Demotivators, Inc.)

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